I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Life is so much better after having sex.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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