I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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