We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
