some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I party with great urgency now.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
