it wasn't lemon gatorade
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
