You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Randomize
