I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
