Swine flu. Run for my life!
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
