when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
foreskin is a definite game changer
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
