Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
