I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
