The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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