I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
