ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
