Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
