OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
