My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
