I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
