Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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