he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you didnt know i had herpes?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
