I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
