All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Do vagina's smell?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
