Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
