Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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