Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
