What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
