i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
