fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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