I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
