Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
