i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
