you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
