Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Ketchup is God's man juice
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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