I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
