I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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