It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You need a sexual gate keeper
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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