hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
