Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
