i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
