I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
