Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
