Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
