do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm too high and old for this...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
