dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
