What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
