im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
