Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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