ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
