My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
