I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
