Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
