I accidentally burped into my bong.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
sex in a hospital.. check
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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