I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
