Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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