I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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