the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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