Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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