i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
