Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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