K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
