So drunk its hurt
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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