i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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