Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
