actually, I'm a sock model
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
