if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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