I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize