Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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