bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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