We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
