Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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